One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
