you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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