Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
