Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
