Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
