Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
