OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
