That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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