There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
