so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
