i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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