I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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