i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
