i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
