Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
