I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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