My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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