I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
