i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
