i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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