I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
