people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
