Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
