I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
