I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
