my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
