I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
