im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
