The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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