Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
