So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
