and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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