Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
