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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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