now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
