You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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