Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My vagina just clenched in fear
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
