omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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