two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
