we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
