I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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