Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
