So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
