im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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