Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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