So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
