so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
