sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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