I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
