Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
