last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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